This funny thing happened today as we were rushing to pack up the truck, and get out of town before the sunset (it didn’t happen). Somewhere between my frantic throwing every item into any box, and my less than fabulous job of washing the walls, I had a moment or two, where my chin quivered, and when I had to take a deep breath. A moment where I remembered the memories that this home had allowed us. Those walls have stories, good and bad.
We’ve been there for three years. Girlie wasn’t even a part of our lives at the point when we moved in. I still remember how fresh the paint smelled, and how beautiful the appliances shimmered when we moved in. It feels like it was honestly just yesterday. I remember nights on my sofa with friends that I still adore. I remember the day Potato drew on the floor, making a train track, and I slumped against the wall crying, because it was just one.more.thing. I remember giggling in bed with both kids, with the power out, pretending that we had different voices, and seeing who could go the longest without making a peep. I always lost.
And now, it’s just memories. In my mind, nothing tangible. The walls or smell of the apartment won’t remind me. It’s all locked away, behind a door.
That’s just the way life is now, isn’t it? Time is so fleeting, so fast, and so quick, before you know it, you are in this rush to close a chapter of your life. One that you aren’t sure you are ready to close, but know, that it’s for the best. Being a grown up seems to be less about getting to do all the cool things, and more about having to make responsible, sensible decisions that will make sense in five years. Gone are the days of jumping from bar to bar on a Friday night, and the never knowing what would happen next. Sometime between become a teenager, and then an adult, you figure out that life needs you to structure it, just a little.
This move, we’ve talked about it for years. The last couple of days, I’ve been in awe at how weird it really feels. It’s one thing to talk about a movement, it’s an entirely different proposition to actually do it. Yet, here we are. Today we packed up our home, washed away memories, and locked the door on a chapter that I’ve been wishing would end for at least the last two years.
But, it’s still weird.
Weird to think that all those people I’ve known and grown to love will continue their lives in that little town that I loved, and hated all at once. It’s weird to think that the condo that I brought my sweet Girlie home in, is not the one I will walk into tomorrow evening. It’s strange to think that I won’t ever sit on that deck during the hot summer nights, or even in that chair to write into the early morning. In a blink, in a shake, it’s all over. Changed, different, unfamiliar.
As we drove away from Lethbridge this evening, Potato and I waved goodbye to certain things that played a prominent role in our life. We spoke about our new house, the new area and all the things that we’ll have to explore when we get settled. There was talk of sleepovers and friends coming to visit. We shared a moment of sadness as the road led us away from the town that was our home. The only town he’s ever known.
It’s not even the place, it’s just that it’s that season. A season of change, something out of the ordinary. An adventure, if you will. I never expected that we would end up where we are going, and yet, that just seems to be how life works. I’m embracing the losses, the excitement, and the transition.
Because, that’s all life is, isn’t it? One transition after another. It’s always begging you to flex a little more, to bend a little bit that way, and to embrace the things you never thought you could. One moment everything seems calm and normal, and then without a moment’s notice, you are moving to another part of your life, hoping that you are doing it as gracefully as possible.
A new chapter, and if it’s a good book, I’m sure this chapter will be just as exciting as the last. I hope that when I look back on my life, I can say that my life was lived so well, that it was like that book you simply can’t put down. The one that leaves you guessing until the very end. The one that’s full of love, of laughter, of tears, and of growth.
Onto the next chapter.