I dislike being interviewed, truly. So, of course, looking for jobs is a real nightmare. It’s not that I can’t interview, I can. I know what to say, and I know when to smile, when to make a joke. I’ve been told I interview really well. It’s just one question, or two.
You know the one where they want you to tell them your long term future goals? Really? You want me to tell you where I want to be in five years? I have no idea where I will be in two weeks. Well, I know generically, but I have no idea, other then maybe being way thinner, what I want in five years.
How about the one where they want you to sum up who you are in a couple of sentences? I hate it. I really hate talking about myself like that. Usually, I deflect and talk about my kids, but then I risk looking like “that mom”, or I just give crappy, half-hearted, generic answers. So I look pathetic, and lame. What I really feel likes saying is:
“Seriously, you have my resume. You don’t really care about what I do in my spare time, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my schedule here, right? And I can tell you, it won’t, because I am dull. Think butter knife dull. Only duller, unless I have had a glass or two of wine, then I am hilarious…and sharp..I had to keep going with the knife analogy. I’m also consistent, clearly.”
I ramble when I am nervous, so that works out really well, especially for those questions for a potential employer. I even make those faces that one makes when they are cringing over the person who is rambling. I know when I am rambling, but I can never make it stop.
Like right now. I am rambling. I’ll make it stop.
So today, I present to you, and perhaps my future employers, Five Fun Fact about Me. I make no promises that they are resume worthy, or that they will make you want to hire me, because really, they aren’t terribly applicable to my working skills.
Either way, for your review:
1. I think the world would be better if we all spoke like we were in a Shakespeare play, or if we were in a musical. Life would be ironic, and funny, tragic but beautiful, or it would be full of people spontaneously dancing in the streets. Win-win, I say.
2. People who don’t use condiments weird me out. No, really. How do you not need any sauce on your burgers or hot dogs? Ketchup on fries? Amazing. I don’t get it. Everything is better with a little sauce…right?
3. I hate red wine. Me, the girl who professes to love wine. Here’s the thing: I want to like red wine, so bad, but I can just never love it, or even like it. I think red wine makes you look more grown up, but it makes my mouth feel like there is fuzzy mold in it. And that, is no good. However, I can tell you what you should drink your red wine with. I’m good at that. But seriously, hand me my Moscato…mmm.
4. All my best writing ideas come as I am lying down at night, and I always, if I don’t write them down, forget them come morning. So I have multiple notes on my iPhone full of random ideas. Evernote has also saved my life. I could never do the morning writing thing, but if we could find a way for me to type and lay down in my bed? I’d be the best writer in the universe.
5. I love my internet friends as much as I love my real friends. Well, mostly. Some people don’t get it, but those people in my computer? They get me better then some of those people in my real life. And they are funny, and they think I am funny, and awesome. Internet friends are real friends, in case you didn’t know.