Parenthood in the Delivery Room

Since I’m still rolling my eyes at the cliche ending of Parenthood’s finale, I figure I’d take on another bit that came up from last week’s episode.

When I first walked into the InternetLand of Birthmothers/Adoption, I was introduced more widely to the idea that adoptive parents could be in the room whilst the mother birthed their child. I mean, I had been introduced to this idea by the agency, and actually laughed at the individual suggesting it- here I was, a girl who had barely said a word during our actual meeting with The Kiddo’s adoptive parents, and they were suggesting that I invite them to watch him be birthed out of my…well, vaginal canal? Yeah, no.

I’m a private person. No pun intended.

So, when I learned that this actually occurred, and other girls were okay with it, I was floored, and really confused. Have I mentioned that I am a pretty private person? Even to this day, when I hear of it happening, I feel icky about it. Of course, when Julia was staged in the delivery room with Zoe, I was left with the same anxious, teeth gritting feeling. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

Can I just say that I loved how they threw in that random line about Zoe’s mother after all this time, while she’s in labor. Nicely done, writers!  Anyway…

At the end of my pregnancy with The Kiddo, I knew a handful of things:

I knew I was ready to be done being pregnant. My swollen hands indicated that.

I knew I had no idea what was about to happen.

BUT, I also knew I needed space. I needed space to love that baby, to bond with him, to meet him, and to say what I needed to say without having to be polite and allow his soon to be parents take him in. I wanted to be selfish, if only for a couple of days.  Everyone kept on telling me how selfless I was; this was my time to be completely and utterly “selfish”.

Picture Credit goes to NBC

Maybe there is a time and a place where it’s appropriate to have the adoptive family in the room. I have never been there, I don’t know. I just feel like it doesn’t give everyone the headspace to properly wrap their hearts around what is going to happen. I know if  The Kiddo’s parents had waltzed into the hospital the way Julia and Joel had, I would have resented them, a lot. And I may have actually redacted my decision, out of complete spite. For three days, he was mine. Not theirs, only mine. I was careful with who visited, and very aware of how long each visitor took in my room. When they held him, I wasn’t getting to. I wouldn’t get those moments back; He was mine for such a short amount of time, and I wanted to him every way I could possibly have him.  To memorize him, and be his mother, in real time.  Having the adoptive parents there, in my mind, then and now, incites a ridiculous amount of anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of pressure.  What if I didn’t measure up in that moment, or what if I, in a whirlwind of emotion, like Zoe, changed my mind? I needed the space to contemplate that I could change my mind as well. Surely, I deserved that.

Reality is, I was too scared too change my mind, and maybe that’s why I did feel so territorial about my space in the hospital. I knew that this would be the only time I would be mothering him as his mother, the rest of the time, it would be at a distance and really, I wouldn’t ever get to be his mother that intimately in the forseeable future. I wanted my chance.

If we are watching that scene play out in the media; normalizing the idea that adoptive parents should be in the birthing room with the potential birthmother, are we not setting up a group of would be adopters to feel entitled to being there?  I feel like something is lost in translation here; we are forgetting that with or without adoption present, birth is a sacred event. One where a woman deserves to have exactly what she needs and wants at her finger tips; privacy included.  Furthermore, a girl in that position, deserves to have a moment of peace while she celebrates the birth of her child, and enjoys the beauty of a baby that her very womb grew. She deserves a chance to second guess, and to come to a place of contentment surrounding any decision she makes.  There should be no pressure for her to do anything but be a mother to her newborn, no matter how long they are together.

Ideally, when this girl was giving birth, she wouldn’t be obligated to anyone but that baby. She would have time to decide where she and that baby truly fit together, and when she made that decision, she’d have support. There would be no harsh words about broken promises, because no promises would have been made. There would be no tears of sadness knowing that you are one hour closer to having to walk away. She’d be free to make these choices for herself and her baby, on her own time, when emotions were not at an all time high. Rather, she would make this life altering choice, no matter which path she goes, when she was feeling like she had all of the right information, in real life and on paper.

I felt bad for Julia as she broke down in that hospital room, but part of me, just shook my head and thought, “See, this is what we do when assume our roles before the baby even enters the world”. Babies change everything, and becoming a mother, it changes you. Julia should have known that. She did know that, but for a moment, for television, we forgot about the power of motherhood.

Even if you are in the delivery room.


28 thoughts on “Parenthood in the Delivery Room

  1. First, I need to tell you that I’ve been a “lurker” for quite some time now.

    Second, your writing is exquisite! No, seriously, I enjoy reading it as if it was a book.

    Thirdly, related to this post, I don’t watch Parenthood, or have cable for that matter, but read about this. I love your last paragraph.. LOVE IT! I was serious about adoption & actually wanted the Adoptive mom in the delivery room with me, until I thought those same things. What if I can’t do it? What if I feel pressured because their there? What if I don’t get to love on her? All the what if’s but the scared feeling of not feeling like I made my OWN decision without feeling that even without deliberately being told, its what I should do, I’d still feel it.

    I did end up choosing to parent for other reasons, but things like that started turning me away from it period. Well, in a lot of ways.

    On another note, you should seriously consider journalism or writing a book. I’m jealous of your writing, grammar, punctuation and all.

    1. Yay! I love when lurkers come out and say hi! Hi!

      That’s exactly what I am talking about; the pressure of the adoptive parents presence could be enough to have a woman feel like she obligated to follow through on something she really doesn’t want to after she’s met her baby. That’s an unfair situation for all; if she goes through with it, she could end up feeling resentful, and angry about being forced to do something. It could make her feel like she has lost her voice, or ability to speak up for herself. I am sure in some scenarios, it works out beautifully, having them in the room, but I feel from an ethical perspective, it just isn’t the best idea. My agency touted it as a great way for my adoptive parents to bond with the child, and pushed the issue many times with me, even though I don’t think the adoptive couple wanted to be there- I’ve never asked them.

      Thank you for your kind words, truly. They made my day! I’m glad you enjoy reading so much; I love knowing there are people who are actually getting something from it! Thanks again for stopping by and saying hi!

  2. I am a mother via adoption and found your blog while googling and researching all the thoughts and opinions of all those involved in the adoption triad as I want to educate myself and those around me as best I can so that we are always sensitive and honest to our daughters needs surrounding her adoption.
    We live in South Africa and it would seem that adoptions here are done very differently to the way they’re done in the US. However, our BM/FM requested our presence at the birth of our daughter. She wanted both my husband and I there, with her. My husband chose not to be there, but I was there. It was a very beautiful and very special time for me and only increased my already overflowing feelings of love and admiration for our BM/FM. After our daughter was born we did leave the hospital to give her time to alone with with Ava, to help her be sure that this was what she wanted to do, to give her time to feel all that she needed to feel, exactly as you’ve described above.
    But I do have a number of friends who adopted and were not introduced to their adopted children for at least 2 days after the birth.
    Either way, I think each adoption story is different, each BM/FM’s reason’s for choosing adoption are different and so for me there is no right or wrong way, only the way that would be most comfortable for the BM/FM.

    1. My argument,for ethical adoption, means that situations like yours would never exist. I truly don’t agree with pre-matching couples with women who are expecting because I think it sets an unrealistic bar for all parties. Even in your situation, that seems to have worked out well for you, your BM/FM was still left with the lingering of your presence after you left the hospital. Had she decided to go back on the promise of giving you her child, would you still be championing for being in the delivery room? I’m not saying that you (general you) did anything wrong by being there; my point was to say, I think the whole idea sets up a lot of unnecessary pressures, and opens up a new set of potential obstacles. And, ultimately, if ethical adoption were in place, adoptive parents would not be even aware the baby was being born.

      I know a handful of birthmothers that have had the adoptive parents be in the room, for whatever reason. For me,I just can’t past the idea for personal reasons, and like I said, I believe it raises a lot of ethical concerns. Even with the births of my own parented children, I was very particular about who was in the room, because I viewed the whole birthing experience as a private event for my husband and myself.

      Anyway, thanks for stopping by and sharing!

    2. Sharon I commend your husband. I don’t know what his reasons were for choosing to not be in the room, but I get the feeling it’s because of his desire to give the young woman her female privacy. Many adoptive parents don’t look at it that way and feel entitled to be in the delivery room. I guess I am a bit old-fashioned or just a traditional woman, but I agree with your husband’s choice.

  3. PAP’s in the delivery room is morally and ethically wrong. My daughter had her son’s PAP’s (mother only) in the delivery room. My daughter asked the PAP to not look while her son was being born (my daughter is private when it comes to that). She asked the PAP to stay at the top of the bed but even that was ignored.

    It was highly encoraged by the agency to have the PAP’s at all doctor appointments and the delivery room. They were there for the sonogram and the PAP’s were the ones who was given the video and picture from the sonogram. The technician decided they were the ones who should have it. I can tell you from watching my daughter how intrusive and unethical it is too have any PAP at a doctors appointment and the delivery room.

    PAP”s should not even be picked until after the baby is born. My grandson’s adoptive parents did things that I saw were highly unethical. Minutes after my grandson was born and he was placed on his mom’s chest the PAP took him off to hold him. Within 30 minutes of my grandson being born and being taken to the NICU the PAP thanked my daughter for the gift of her (PAP
    s) son. Can we say pressure to place? My daughter asked the PAP’s to only be at the hospital for a designated time every day. They did not follow what she asked. They came whenever they felt like it. Since the baby was so sick the PAP’s without asking my daughter’s permission decided that “their son” needed a blessing, this was within 4 hours of him being born. They had no rights but they decided that they were going to be the parents anyways within 48 hours so they could make decisions. My daughter was an incubator just to get them their “rightful child”.

    1. This was the VERY scenario that I was afraid of. I was already being overlooked in so many ways- what I wanted to do in terms of parenting, how long I wanted the agreement to be open, how open I wanted to be- that I feared, not knowing my son’s AP’s that they would make it all about them. HOWEVER, they are nothing like that- they asked before they even sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers saying they were thinking of me, and wishing me well (I know some could take that as a manipulation tactic, but they truly are genuine and heartfelt people).

      But this is what this post is about- what if you have a girl who wants some time, and she gets trampled? In all honesty, it’s not about the PAP’s at that moment, or rather, it should not be. I could rant about how insidious that agencies even think this is a good idea, but I won’t.

      I am so sorry that you and your daughter were treated with so much disrespect. My heart breaks for you both, and her son.

  4. Hi Danielle! Another lurker de-lurking here. I am an adoptive mother who was present at my son’s birth in the hospital. While I am greatful, for admittedly selfish reasons, for the opportunity to be there I couldn’t agree more with you that having adoptive parents present for the birth of the child puts unfair stress on the expectant/new parents to choose to place over parent.
    I think the idea of not matching expectant parents with potential adoptive parents (PAPs) prior to the birth of the child may be very helpful in moving adoption forward in ethical standards. I think the argument for doing so is to help the PAPs bond with the child, however, to make adoption more ethical, focus needs to be taken from PAPs because really it is just the industry focusing on the $$ making potential of the situation and that is why adoption is the mess that it is today!
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I hope you don’t mind but I may link this post to a post in my own blog because I think it is great!

    1. Thank you for being honest and de-lurking! I love meeting new readers! 🙂 I think sometimes it’s hard for us in general to admit that there are moments that we want in our lives for selfish reasons. We’re all human, right? I can see how amazing it could be for a PAP to be in the room, but the reality is, that she is there for reasons other then being a labor support person.

      I don’t necessarily think that watching a birth would help an PAP bond with their potential baby. I can see how agencies would use this as leverage, and how one might believe it to be logical. The birth advocate in me squeems (I made a new word, I think!) at the idea that a person would use the birthing process of another women and make it about themselves. Bonding can occur on so many other levels- I think it’s akin to the idea that breastfeeding interferes with a father’s ability to bond with a child. I believe truly that there are multiple ways to bond with a child that wouldn’t be so invasive to those women choosing the adoption path.

      I think there is something to be said about respect to every person involved. I think agencies blur those lines, like a woman mentioned below, lines get crossed, and boundaries are ignored. Adoption isn’t just an easy process- there are people involved, and emotions are high! I think I’m preaching to the choir though 😉

      Thanks for your perspective and commenting!

  5. Another lurker here as well. I live in New Zealand, where things are vastly different. Over here adoptions are administered by a govt agency, Other than legal fees for both parties (paid to both of our choice of lawyers) we are adoptive parents do not pay anything more. Expectant parents meet with a social worker and are given profiles to look through at around the 8th month of pregnancy. The expectant parents can chose a profile and it gets taken out of the pool. Once the baby is born and if the expectant parents still wish to place then the adoptive couple is contacted by the social worker, and a meeting arranged. Overhere a baby needs a birth certificate before papers can be signed and the earliest they can be signed is 12 days. We meet our childrens birth mums at day 10 and day 6. One placement happened at day 18 and the other day 12. We will never know if we have ever been picked but the mum decided not to place, and for me thats a great thing. No pressure on either party!

    I also want to echo other posters. I love your writing. You have an amazing way with words!

    1. Leap Day must be the day to come out of hiding! Thank you for popping in!

      I’m completely fascinated by those laws; the UK has something similar in place, from my understanding, where the mother must keep the baby for so many weeks before she actually goes through with an adoption plan. I think this actually, if the proper resources and support systems are set up, is a fabulous way to make sure babies find their way to the proper homes, without the involvement of any “middleman” who benefit financially. It’s great to know that this is happening in other places; gives me hope that one day North America may have the same laws in place!

  6. Just wanted to add that bonding happens regardless of when you meet the baby. Our bonding is amazing! The other thing I wanted to point out is that here, parents have the choice of taking their baby home or placing the baby in foster care until they can sign. there are special foster parents who only deal with these babies. One of our children went to foster care where the birth family was involved on a daily basis and the other went home with birth mum, who loved on our child until she could sign

    1. I assumed that this was the case, but thank you for sharing your own experience! Bonding is more then watching and witnessing; it’s an actual process that takes place when the right people are in place!

      Thank you so much for sharing!

  7. you know I had my birth daughters mom and dad in the room. I wanted them with me/her every step of the way. I am ABNORMAL in the fact that I made an adoption plan and met the adoptive couple within 5 weeks of finding out I was pregnant (at 4 weeks). They were there when I found out the sex. The adoptive mother was at EVERY doctor appointment with me and they went with her when she was rushed away because she wasn’t breathing. I didn’t feel like having them there was more pressure. I felt like having them there was closure for me. Knowing that they had a bond from the moment she was born. Her mother cut her cord as well. For me it was perfect. But again… I know I’m abnormal

    1. Wow! That is EARLY! Any particular reason why you chose them so early on in your pregnancy?

      And don’t say you are abnormal, because you aren’t! My argument is mainly that situations like yours could potentially turn sour if expectations were in place, ones that shouldn’t exist before the baby is born, you know? I am glad that it worked out so well so though.

      I’m lucky, my pre-placement did work out for me- I adore the adoptive parents I chose, and I’m glad I met them during the process. However, for me, it did put pressure on me to move forward, even when I had doubts. The agency used that heavily when they could tell I was struggling. Which is where we get into my argument about ethics- in the right circumstances, meeting the adoptive couple beforehand can be a good idea.

      1. the moment I told my daughters sperm donor I was pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion. I would never do that and his response to that was “well you can’t keep it. You’ll ruin it!” I was heart broken and angry. I was pretty determined to parent until I started thinking about my child having to spend time with someone that didn’t want him/her. It broke my heart to think that my child could be raised without a dad as amazing as mine. I went into my profile search with the father in mind more than the mother. When I found Lori and Barton I was blown away. He seemed like an amazing father to the 2 children that they had already adopted and I knew from the letter they wrote that he was a devoted husband as well. That made a world of difference for me.

        I think the biggest thing going into delivery was that Lori continually said to me. “This is your baby Katelyn. You can make the choice to do what you feel is best for YOUR child.” That took so much pressure off of me. I know as an adoptive mother that would be the hardest words I would ever say but those few words gave me so much freedom to honestly think clearly.

        I think that alot of adoptive couples/mothers feel that since they’ve been matched they have some sort of right to the child. Until the mother signs her rights away and places that baby with you it IS NOT YOUR CHILD! Sorry I know that is rude but it’s the truth. If more adoptive couples went in with the attitude of “this is your child and we want you to make the correct decision for YOUR child” placements would be much healthier.

      2. Your last statement is what I think the main issue is, and I don’t believe that PAP’s go into the adoption process with that specific attitude from the get-go. I truly believe that agencies play a strong and vital role in maintaining that the PAP’s have more rights then they do until the papers are signed.

        I love hearing different perspectives of how having the AP’s worked for others. Like I’ve said,I think in the right, genuine, and honest circumstances, it could be a powerful thing. However, I think respect is the theme that needs to be rounding out the scenario. And open communication, for sure.

  8. another de-lurker here, came over from jenna’s blog.

    first I’ll say that this is a terrific post. it is quite eloquent and you are a persuasive writer. I agree with so much of what you said about the sacred nature of birth and the importance of the mother’s privacy and respect for her wishes.

    however, I’m also an adoptive mama who was privileged to witness the birth of our daughter.

    our daughter’s birth mother chose us relatively early in her pregnancy. we were “matched” at about 16 weeks, though our facilitator (and WE) made it very clear that she would have to re-visit her decision again and again, including after birth. she invited us to all of her midwife appts and wanted us to be present for the birth of her baby, which would be at home. we encouraged her to take her time making a decision and considered it tentative. countless times we reminded her that she was free to change her mind about every decision — from appointments to birth to placement. we insisted that she have time alone with her baby — as much as she wanted — so she could have the peace you mention as she made her final decision. we tried to be so mindful of even the most subtle coercion. we stepped back every chance we could, to give her space and time and freedom. we made it clear we would respect any decision, and that if she decided to parent, that would clearly be the best for her child.

    I understand why there is an ethical concern about pre-birth matching. and I agree the sense of entitlement I see in PAPs is deeply troubling, just plain wrong. the industry is stacked against expectant parents and most adoption “professionals” could use some real training in ethical practices. no doubt change is needed.

    but I disagree that pre-birth matching is always a bad thing. in our case, our daughter’s birth mother was resolute about placing. but she was overwhelmed by the decision of who and how and what it would look like. she didn’t trust lawyers and agencies. she wanted to find the parents of her baby and she wanted to know that her plan would work. she said she felt at peace once she found us, that she could get back to her life without the stress of not knowing. second, she wanted to get to know us and take time to build a foundation for a very open adoption. we invited her to our home and she introduced us to her family, when other PAPs wouldn’t even share their last name or address. it helped build trust. finally, she had heard about APs who don’t bond and she wanted her baby to feel bonded to her parents. it was really important to her that we be at the birth, even if she wanted some time alone too. there were other reasons but that’s all I’ll share here.

    sorry for the book. just wanted to share our experience. thanks again for the though provoking post. I don’t even watch the show, but I’ve read a lot about it from other bloggers!

    1. Thanks for stopping by!

      I think my point is not that pre-birth matching is always a terrible idea, but more that it can set up a specific expectation. Like we’re seeing on television, or in media, where the PAP is in the delivery, it sends this message that a PAP belongs there. Which is an expectation, and like some of the posters have mentioned in the comments, you can get PAP’s who are nothing but disrespectful. In your situation, and in the one mentioned by Katelyn, it sounds like there was a lot of open dialogue, and a lot of respect from all involved. It’s the general expectation that PAP’s can do as they wish in these scenarios that scare me- like when you have the AP’s who redact on their openness agreements etc. I think this is a perfect example, your situation of how pre-birth matching can work, but it is A LOT of work, and it sounds like you went agency-free as well (yay!)

      For what it’s worth, my son’s AP’s thought the same as you- that I was resolute. When I started blogging, I warned them about some of the content; I’m sure they were shocked to know that I did struggle with the decision so heavily, because I put on the face that it was the best thing to do, and so on. As far as I was concerned, they didn’t need to know the familial drama I was dealing with and the inner struggle I was having.They were just a lovely couple wanting to find a baby. Every mother doubts, even those who are the strongest in their convictions- it truly is part of the process of relinquishing, and it needs to happen. You need to challenge those moments of doubt to know if you truly are doing the right thing. Which is why I argue that pre-birth matching can possibly lead to too much pressure for some women.

      I’m rambly tonight, but thank you for sharing your experience. Are you still in an open adoption? It sounds like the pre-birth process was quite open!

      1. thanks for your response, and for the clarification. and I agree with you. the expectation leads to entitlement and that is beyond problematic. even more so is that most expectant parents don’t get the education and counseling they need when considering placement — real support and honest ethical counseling — or other services that could help with decision-making.

        our process was very open and we are still in a fully open adoption. we have a very open relationship with our daughter’s birth mother and her family (her grandma lives nearby). we did our home study through an agency but we met our daughter’s mother on our own. we worked with an independent counselor who specializes in open adoption who ensured that she would have appropriate counseling and support.

        I appreciate also your discussion of doubt. as certain as one may, I think doubt may be inherent in the process, if not before then at least after relinquishment. it is simply human nature to wonder about the path not taken, to question “what if…” what we wanted to avoid was *regret.* in my view, giving this woman every opportunity and time to decide what was truly right for her at every step was the ONLY way we could hope for a situation which she would not ultimately regret. we knew that adoption would be hard, but we didn’t want to raise a child knowing that her birth parents regretted the decision to place. of course we couldn’t control that. all we could do was create that space — whether she wanted an hour or a day or a week or more. in the end, we took our daughter home the next day, but her first mother didn’t sign any papers for 3 weeks.

        thanks again for your post and reply!

      2. Are you in the states? I keep hearing I’d this “she didn’t sign for x weeks” and it’s amazing to hear! There was so much pressure to sign immediately.

        And you know what? I think that if the mother opens herself so readily during the pre-birth process it’s only fair that the AP’s follow suit after. I am glad that you are so open; it’s a hard path to carve I am sure with such focus on being closed to a certain degree. Your daughter’s first mom is blessed to have such a family willing to be open; and your daughter, she will be so blessed for it too.

  9. Daniella, I have a question, if I may. I’m not from the States and from what I can see, adoptions seem to work differently in the states to here in SA. Once a BM/FM/NM has signed, do she have any recourse should she choose to change her mind?

    1. In my province, once the papers are signed, she as 10 days to say that she takes the decision back. Now, I was told that if you decide to do that during that time a judge makes it difficult- so I have no idea how easy it is or if roadblocks are set up to prevent the biological mother from exercising her rights. In the province over, you have 30 days. It truly varies from place to place in Canada. After that waiting period is over, the biological mother has no legal rights any longer.

      I was able to obtain a copy of his OBC before the adoption was completely finalized a year later, but that’s it. Someone would have to chime in from a stateside perspective, though I am sure it varies state to state too.

  10. couldn’t reply to your reply…

    yes, I’m in california where some form of openness is the norm.
    unlike agencies and lawyers who bring paperwork to the hospital, our facilitator counseled that there is absolutely no requirement to sign at any time. in fact she forbids hospital signings as completely unethical. we told K she could make the appointment with the social worker if and whenever she was ready. if she hadn’t signed by 4 weeks, we were going to ask her again if she wanted to reconsider.

    I should note she did insist on placing her on day one with us — in other states the baby may have gone to “cradle” care with a foster-type family if she chose not to parent in those first days — she definitely didn’t want that.

    of course at some level there is a “risk” of taking home a baby without a signed TPR, but that didn’t bother us. some friends and family were definitely concerned for us, but we used it as a chance to do some education about the kind of adoption we were hoping to enter into. after signing the TPR, a woman has 30 days to rescind.

    one more note about the whole pre-birth “attachment” thing. we tried to find a very delicate balance of opening ourselves to this opportunity (and privilege, really) and not getting too attached to the outcome. in fact we didn’t create our nursery or discuss names until very very l ate in her pregnancy — so late that she asked us what our plans were and suggested we should get on that. she wanted to know that we were committed and excited. that was really important to her. it was tough but we decided we had to be open and couldn’t act from a place of fear or insecurity (which is what I think many PAPs do).

    1. That’s completely fascinating! I was told point blank if I chose to walk out of that hospital to “think” about the decision, the child would be put in foster care. Even during the more vulnerable time, they were trying to prevent me from trying to get out of it. No one told me it would have been as easy as saying, “I’m out!”

      Good for you for doing it so radically different, and in such an ethical way. I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel about adoption in general, and I’m not anti-adoption. I just feel like the system we have in place right now, on so many levels is in desperate need of change and reform. Stories like yours are the ones that should be at the forefront- showing the work, the respect and the amount of communication that happens to build a lasting relationship with each other. One of your blog posts said something like that- “adoption is complicated, relationship are complicated and so is life”. It rang true for me, and I wish we could find away to send the message to the other side that adoption is not the easy, free and clear answer!

      1. it is truly awful how many women — yourself included — don’t know they can walk away from an adoption plan. and it’s abhorrent how few services are available to parents without resources. so really it seems there is no other choice.

        thanks for your kind words!

  11. Sorry to intrude. I know that many will scold me for my comment, but I’ll make it anyway. I just want to say that while it is wonderful to have people who adopt and parents who are willing to choose adoption,I still say that in the delivery room, adoptive parents must be aware that even though the birth of their adoptive babyis wonderful, a woman’s vagina is still a private organ. Adoptive dads should always take on the role of gentlemen and not look directly at the vaginal area but look as soon as the baby is held up by the doctor, then put on the mother. He can still bond with the baby.
    I would believe that if he has his genitals exposed to donate sperm to prospective parents, that he would desire the future adoptive woman to not view his genitals.

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