Open Adoption Roundtable #27

Write about a First Meeting

It was a brisk, fall afternoon. I had just worked my second shift at the new job, something I had been excited about earlier that week, but was trumped by the news that I was pregnant.  I knew when my shift was over, I would be meeting with an individual for the Agency my parents had all but told me I had to deal with in order to “fix the situation”.  I stood outside the mall doors, wringing my hands, unsure of what I was walking into. Would I be met with more disappointing looks? Would I be lectured like I had been by my parents Bishop? Would I be called names, and humiliated like my mother had done just a couple days prior? Wearing my bright red peacoat, a grim, and serious look on my face, I waited for the woman who was supposed to have all the answers.

She was anything like what I expected. I had to lean close to her to hear her speak. I found myself actually shocked at how warm she was, how caring and gentle she was. As my hands gripped the mug of hot chocolate, I looked into her eyes, and knew she actually cared about what I was doing. There were no lectures on how wrong I was, or how I had disappointed everyone. She presented me with the things she would be able to do for me, how she could help me, and then we talked about me. About what I wanted.

“I want to do the right….the right thing”, I stuttered.

“What does that look like?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I just need some time to figure that out. Without anyone telling me what to do. I just want to do the right thing for everyone. I hate how this has become about how “bad” I am”.

With tears in her eyes, she reached across the table and said,

“You are not bad. We all make mistakes. We all find ways to fix them. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

I smiled, my half smile, and realized that for the first time in over 72 hours, I felt like someone was actually hearing me. Even if it was the first time I was meeting this perfect stranger, she heard me. She wanted to help me, and not chastise me. It was exactly what I wanted, what I needed, and it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Little did I know that she would become an integral role during the adoption process; she would become the mother I needed during that time, the friend who could be objective, and the social worker behind the scenes when she needed to be invisible.

Open Adoption Roundtable #27 – First Meetings

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